From the category archives:

Self-esteem

Romancing the Culture

February 11, 2011

Parents who adopted internationally used to be told that assimilation was best. It was believed that love would be enough and that the child, adopted from another country and often of a different race, would eventually become part of, assimilated into, the majority culture. To focus or mention differences might create extreme discomfort and issues [...]

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A Place to Begin

January 19, 2011

One of the classes I teach addresses transracial parenting. Within the framework of this class we discuss strategies for dealing with racism. Even in this progressive year of 2011, racism, like bias, stereotyping and discrimination, is everywhere.
Racism is personal; it is also institutional. Racism segregates individuals into castes and can damage souls. Racism strips people [...]

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How to Help Your Child Process the Past

October 21, 2010

Adoptive parents are very good about painting the rosy picture—how they came to be families, how they love their children. Parents do this to claim their children. The also do this because as an adoptive family they are in the position of having to validate their family to extended family, friends and strangers. But often, [...]

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The Tale of the Ugly Duckling

August 2, 2010

Remember the story of The Ugly Duckling, in which a baby swan was hatched and raised by a duck? The mother duck could teach the ugly duckling everything there was to being a duck, but she couldn’t teach him about being a swan.
The baby swan was perceived as an outsider and, therefore, believed he was [...]

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Parenting Do-Over

June 25, 2010

Do you sometimes find yourself wishing that you could get a “do-over” in the parenting arena? I do. Parenting, although profoundly rewarding, is emotionally taxing. If you are like me, you make mistakes and then you try to right them. In the rare quiet moments of everyday life, I check in with myself, realigning my [...]

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At What Cost?

June 8, 2010

“How much did she cost?”
“How much did you have to pay?”
“How much did I cost?” (My daughter’s question addressed to me.)
“How much did you pay for me?” (My son’s question.)
Ouch. This cuts deep, yes?
We have profound emotional ties to our children and the journey that brought us together. It’s painful to be asked what it [...]

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