LoveWe use the word or a form of it often to qualify the concept of love, specifically how we expect to or do feel about our children. Unconditionally—without limitations, absolute.

We use “unconditionally” to express “pure” love, of that between members of our family, those who we are profoundly committed to, no matter what. Loving unconditionally comes from within us. It is a state of mind, a state of being. Unconditionally helps us interpret the external because, while we sometimes can’t control situations, we can control how we feel about them. And how we perceive life through the lens of unconditionally, how we perceive our children, affects how we parent, how we move from the state of mind to the state of being, of action.

Unconditional love is believed to be one of the most important gifts we can give a child. To give unconditional love, parents must do so selflessly—let go of any idea of sacrifice, even though parenting is full of sacrifice, because that notion is conditional.

Sometimes, there is a layer of conditional love attached to adoption because of what parents have experienced or are currently experiencing on their parenting journey. Children, with their amazing radar detectors, feel the difference. To give selfishly can put guilt upon the shoulders of a child, expecting them to feel gratitude for what you’ve done for them. Is that what a parent wants, their child to feel grateful for having been adopted?

Food for Thought: When you think of the concept of unconditionally, what thoughts come to you? What do you feel when you shift to the mindset of unconditionally? How can you bring more unconditionally into your life, especially in loving your child? You’ve adopted; how does that impact unconditionally for you?

~ Photo by Krytofr

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Dan February 14, 2012 at 10:37 am

Great post but confused by one fact. You say to give selflessly can put guilt on an adoptee. I have always thought that being selfLESS is to love unconditionally. Can you expand on how this action leads to a negatively received message by our children?


Judy February 14, 2012 at 11:14 am

Hi Dan,
Thanks for catching my typo. :) I agree with you: “…being selfLESS is to love unconditionally.” I hope that’s clear.


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