Mother’s Day is this Sunday. And, similar to the majority of women, Mother’s Day holds great meaning for me. It is a day I celebrate being a mother. And it is also a day of quiet reflection, for I share Mother’s Day with unknown remarkable women whose invisible features reside in my children’s faces.
Mother’s Day is a reminder that I would not be the mother of my children if it were not for the decisions of their birth mothers. I feel sadness intertwine with the profound joy and gratitude of being their mother.
Mother’s Day can be one of the many triggers that your child may experience… or not. Mother’s Day can hold a significant meaning for the child who as been adopted, reminding them of their birth mother and of having been adopted. Questions about relinquishment and rejection may come up. Your child may want to hear his story again or look through his lifebook, grieve, or be silent.
Regardless of how children become part of their family, they arrive with prewired temperaments. Because of this every child is unique in how they experience and process their lifelong journey. What might trigger feelings of grief one year, may not the next.
The scope of parenting a child who has been adopted evolves as they move through developmental stages. You are part of your child’s journey. You are the conduit—connecting your child to what was, what might have been, and what is possible. You are the parent who talks to your child about adoption, who encourages and gives him permission to express what he id feeling, validating his emotions. You help him foster healthy relationships and values. You are the mother who can empower your child to seek healthy choices, for he resides with you.
Honor his roots, all of them, and he will likely grow strong wings. Happy Mother’s Day!
Parents: How do you or do you celebrate Mother’s Day? Do you honor your child’s birth mother, make her part of the day? Do you give your child the choice of whether he wants to honor his birth mother?