My children have rarely asked about their birth fathers. Their questions and comments focus on their birth mothers. When attempting to steer them in the direction of birth fathers, I’ve had little luck.
I can’t walk in my kids’ shoes. But I try as hard as I can to understand their perspectives, a way to relate, why they feel the primal connection to their birth mothers and not their birth fathers. What I’ve come up with is this: I was conceived inside, nurtured by and carried within my mother for close to ten months. Although I have no recollection of any of this, something within me does. My mother is permanently etched within me. Cellular memory? My subconscious? I don’t know.
My mother and I had the most intimate of relationships, a primal intimacy. I was deep inside her core. I grew inside her, encased within her womb, protected and nurtured by her body. I knew her voice, her smell, her movement, and the feel of her long before she expelled me into the world. I literally depended on my mother for my very existence. My children experienced all of this as well. I remember this each and every day.
My children’s connection with their birth fathers was not remotely close to the experience of being within and dependant upon their birth mothers, no matter how involved they may have been. Father’s Day is not celebrated by my children’s birth countries, however I will think of my children’s birth fathers, as I often do. And as we celebrate Father’s Day, I will continue to be thankful for my kids’ birth fathers and for the wonderful man in my life who is an amazing father to all of our children.
Parents: What have your experiences been like when talking about your child’s birth father? Does your child express interest in his or her birth father?