A Birthmother’s Thoughts


Expectation of MotherhoodSome adoptive parents have a relationship with the birthmother of their child. Others do not. Regardless, the birthmother and adoptive parent still travel the journey of adoption together, because they are part of the child’s journey.

What does a birthmother want the adopted child to know?

After re-reading The Best for You, I Wish for You a Beautiful Life: Letters from the Korean Birth Mothers of Ae Ran Won to Their Children and speaking to several birthmothers, I came up with these points:

  • She loved and still loves your child.
  • She chose adoption because she had situations and questions she could not answer/address/overcome.
  • She wanted to give your child life.
  • She wants your child to know as much of his or her beginnings, in order to help him or her explore and examine possible adoption issues. 
  • She is part of your child.
  • She wants you to teach your child respect by talking respectfully about her and the decision she made.
  • She thinks of your child.

Parents: Keep theses points in mind when your child asks about his or her birthmother. What else do you feel your child’s birthmother would want your child to know?

 ~ Photo by Savagolome

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Susie June 9, 2010 at 6:34 pm

As a first mom, I find myself needing to respond to these questions.
*Perhaps she chose adoption because she had no support to overcome her situation.
*She wanted to give HER child life. She gave HER child the gift of parents, she did not give her child as the gift.
*She is a part of HER child. She nurtured and cared for her child for 9 months. She believed she was being a selfless parent by choosing adoption. The child will forever be her child, as well as the adoptive parents child.
*She thinks of HER child ~ probably every day.
*The child’s first mom probably just wants her child to know that she thought she was doing the right thing by choosing adoption. That she will always love her child & wish that she had been able to raise her/him. She wants her child to know that she hopes & prays that the day will come that she can meet & get to know her child. She wants her child to know that even though she was unable to parent him/her, she will always be his/her mother ~ you can’t un-do giving birth & being a mother. The list is never ending…



Judy June 9, 2010 at 7:38 pm

Thank you for responding, giving parents who stop by possibly more to reflect on, share and discuss with their children.


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