Good news is not news. Bad news is. And last week some of the worst broke, making headlines and adding fodder to the less than stellar coverage adoption receives. A young boy was returned to his birth country by his adoptive mother, part of the note read, “I no longer wish to parent this child.”
My intention is not to debate where the adoption process broke down or to speculate about the mother, her son, the agencies and social support services, or the Russian or U.S. authorities and governments. My intention is to respond about the fallout that adoptive parents are feeling right now. They feel “under fire.”
Adoption has long been considered as second best. How many times have you been the recipient of something like, “I think adoption is wonderful and I considered it, but I could have my own.”?
Adoptive parents are in the position of having to justify why they made the decision to create a family as they did, especially in the case of trans-racial adoption. They are compelled to validate their family and educate others about adoption. All of this is ongoing, part of the life-long adoption process that members of the adoptive family deal with.
In becoming a parent, you fell into the role of advocating. By adopting you took on other layers of it. Adoptive parents can feel battered by all of this effort and having to constantly advocate for themselves, their families and adoption.
Parents: Do you have a support network? If not, find other adoptive parents that can support you so that you can share how and what you are feeling. (Some are listed in my sidebar.)