Please Take Your Rose-Colored Glasses Off


Rose-colored glasses, SebastianYou probably don’t want to hear this because it is an uncomfortable truth. Adoption can suck.

While there are many adults adoptees who are “content” with the fact that they were adopted, there are also some “angry,” ticked-off  ones as well. And they’re busy venting their feelings in the cyber world: angry they were adopted, raised in a white family/community, saw themselves as white, had difficulty adjusting to their race/ethnicity, were part of “the baby market,” didn’t feel heard, emotionally/physically abused, weren’t encouraged to grieve, and/or search for answers or birth parents.

You may have come across them. Or, if you’re writing or blogging about adoption or parenting an adopted child, you may have had one of them contact you. I’ve had several contact me.

I bring this up because their pain underscores the need to take full responsibility for your whole child and any possible issues. You need to focus on being fully invested and never giving up.

You should read their blogs—what adult adoptees share and why they feel the way they do. There are many lenses through which to view adoption. What’s yours?

Parents: Love and patience only go so far. What is your wisdom on parenting your adopted child, beyond loving him or her? Please share here.

~ Photo by Sabastian

{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

Jan October 28, 2010 at 7:38 pm

In the past 9 years, I have learned so much adoption, including a lot about how different adoptees react to their status. When I urge adoptive parents to educate themselves about adoption, for the sake of their children, some want to learn.

Others stubbornly refuse to acknowledge that adopted children have any uniques issues. I have met enough adult adoptees to know better. Adoptees do not all handle their status in the same manner, and yes, for some the challenges they face are huge.

Bravo for your suggestion to take off the rose-colored glasses! There are many difficult issues that people refuse to acknowledge in adoption..


pickel May 2, 2010 at 7:11 pm

I’ve learned in the last year that you really do have to parent each child as THEY need to be parented. My oldest needs a much tougher hand than my youngest. If I was REALLY strict with my youngest he would not have flourished, and vice-versa.


Judy May 3, 2010 at 9:48 pm

They all are so different. Each of mine need to be parented differently, due to age, temperament and needs.


Jim April 30, 2010 at 5:07 pm

Wow that’s certainly one of the broadest generalizations I have seen in a while. I hate to tell you this but there are a lot of angry adults out there period. Being adopted has very little to do with it. And anger in cyberspace? Of course there is. The web allows people to be jerks to each other with a safe degree of separation and anonymity.

The problem with anger (and let’s face it, this is nothing new) in society is not restricted to those who were adopted; Correlation does not equal causation. It’s just as easy to point the finder at religion or a hundred other causes.


Judy May 3, 2010 at 9:45 pm

Hi Jim,

I agree. My generalization was purposely broad, to invite discussion. And I do realize anger is not restricted to those who have been adopted, but the focus of this blog page is adoption and parenting the teens, tweens and older who were adopted. I appreciate you commenting and not being one of those “jerks.” ; )


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