Each of my kids have asked me this question. It’s to be expected; after all, what parent in your child’s grounded world would give their child away? Your child knows your love, commitment, and security and knows you wouldn’t give her away, so why did her birthparent?
In your child’s world of absolutes, she associates her “being bad” with being “given away.” She must have done something really bad that her birthparent didn’t want to keep her. Your child may see this as the reason of why she was adopted.
Well, of course the answer is “no.” There is nothing your child did to be “given away.”
“Was I bad?” signals that it’s time for you to address your child’s unique adoption story with more details and reinforce positive adoption language.
Parents: Has your child asked you this or a similar question? How did your conversation go?