“Was I Bad?”

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Was I Bad?Each of my kids have asked me this question. It’s to be expected; after all, what parent in your child’s grounded world would give their child away? Your child knows your love, commitment, and security and knows you wouldn’t give her away, so why did her birthparent?

In your child’s world of absolutes, she associates her “being bad” with being “given away.” She must have done something really bad that her birthparent didn’t want to keep her. Your child may see this as the reason of why she was adopted.

Well, of course the answer is “no.”  There is nothing your child did to be “given away.”

“Was I bad?” signals that it’s time for you to address your child’s unique adoption story with more details and reinforce positive adoption language.

Parents: Has your child asked you this or a similar question? How did your conversation go?

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Nancy April 3, 2010 at 8:22 am

A wonderful and thoughtful question — you’ve given me an idea for a post…
“Was I bad?” or “I’m sorry I was bad.” or “Why are you letting me do ____ when I was bad?” are common in our home. Not so much with the general theme of being placed for adoption, but in a broader – “If I’m not good, I must be bad.” kind of way.

Just found your blog today — really like it!

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Judy April 3, 2010 at 11:50 am

I’m glad you discovered my blog and that this post has given you “food for thought.”

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