What To Expect From Your Adopted Tween, Judy M. MillerSpirit-led parenting is one of the core tenets of my parent guide, What To Expect From Your Adopted Tween.

Spirit-led parenting focuses on trusting yourself to parent your child compassionately and effectively, based on your life experiences, wisdom, and the common sense you have amassed.

Spirit-led parenting is about connecting to your intuition and trusting your core values. It is about parenting with conviction and confidence.

The majority of all parents regularly question how they can improve parenting their child. Adoptive parents have the additional layers of “more” to contend with—inherent issues in adoption and their child’s unique story—as they set to provide the best parenting they can for their child. Adoptive parents often ask themselves, and others, if they are making the right decisions for their child, given the layers of “more.” Questions similar to:

  • “Am I doing this parenting ‘thing’ right?”
  • “How can I be the best parent for my child?”
  • “How can I be the best parent for my child?”
  • “How do I gain the confidence to trust myself and my parenting decisions?”
  • “What if what I say or what I do backfires?”
  • “Am I damaging my kid and her future?”

Do you wish you could feel more confident and trust yourself as you parent your child? Do you want to parent from your core beliefs and feel proud of how you’ve handled the interactions with your child? Yes? Join me as I share my thoughts and advice TODAY, Wednesday, April 13th. Come and listen!

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The Spirit-Led Parenting summit is happening now. Valarie Carlene, a parent advocate, and coach has organized this free 21-day event. I am one of the 21 educators featured in this interview series.

  • You can access the telesummit from any computer or mobile device.
  • You can listen to the 30-minute interviews while working, walking, making food, driving, or commuting.

During the interview, I share clear, usable information that can assist you with parenting in your daily life, specifically parenting your adopted child. As part of the summit, I am offering a freebie: For Families and Friends: Advice, Suggestions, and Honest Dialogue About How to Best Support Families on Their Adoption Journeys. This brief guide helps people create a foundation of knowledge of how to best provide support for adopting parents and their families.

Before you click on the link above to listen to my interview, please purchase a copy of my internationally selling guide for adoptive parents: What To Expect From Your Adopted Tween. My guide loads directly into your e-reader.

Are you interested in working with me? Check out my classes. I often work with parents “one-on-one.”

I encourage you to join me in embracing a movement of loving and trusting ourselves as parents and believing in the innate goodness and strength in each of our children. Please join me on TODAY!

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IMG_0582I parent biological and adopted kids. Preparing children for their new sibling, whether biological or adopted, is very similar. However, there are additional topics that need to be addressed regarding the arrival of the adopted sibling.

Focus on the expectations and fears that accompany the sibling’s arrival. The majority of children experience stress when they realize their family constellation is changing or has changed. This is to be expected as you are also under extra stress

Reality is different from fantasy. Initial excitement may evolve into other emotions, such as jealousy and sadness. Your child may act out as reality sets in. He may pinch his new sister, throw temper tantrums frequently, or regress by insisting on a sippy cup or wanting to be diapered.

Realize that there will be less of you—energy, patience, and time—to go around, especially during the first days, weeks, and, sometimes, months home. Additionally, you will likely run into other challenges because you are juggling more kids. Prepare early and often.

  • Ask your child how he is feeling. Address and do not dismiss negative feelings, because those are normal.
  • Explore the sibling’s culture of origin through age-appropriate books, games, and videos if adopting internationally or transracially.
  • Allow your child to be your helper. I found this particularly effective although I had to scale back when my then three-year-old was trying to change diapers.
  • Positively reinforce your child in front of others. Ask grandparents, aunts, uncles, and close friends to help with this as well.
  • Transition your child into his new bed or room well in advance of his sibling’s arrival, not afterward.
  • Ask anyone visiting to bring a small age-appropriate gift for your child if they are bringing one for the new arrival.
  • Role-play with your child, what it will like when his new sibling arrives. Use a stuffed animal or doll.
  • Help your child with the answers to the questions he is likely to receive.

Older kids may ask more questions about adoption and its process. Be honest, but do not share the adopted sibling’s story. The adopted child’s story is theirs and not to be shared. For example, my five-year-old son asked a lot about his sister’s birth mother. He was concerned about her and her emotional state.

Assure your child that your relationship with and love for him will not change. Try to schedule one-on-one time to listen and share with your child. Have Dad, another family member, or trusted friend watch the new sibling after your new family member is home awhile. Your child will feel loved, and this is the greatest gift you can give him.

For Discussion: What other ideas have you for preparing your child for their adopted sibling?

~ Photo NliveN, LLC

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Join Me: Spirit-Led Parenting Summit

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Spirit-led parenting focuses on trusting yourself to parent your child compassionately, and effectively, based on your life experiences, wisdom, and the common sense you have amassed. Spirit-led parenting is about connecting to your intuition and trusting your core values. It is about parenting with conviction and confidence. The majority of all parents regularly question how […]

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Stress Management for Adopting Parents

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Every change we experience is stressful, even positive change. Managing your stress—eustress (a beneficial reaction that galvanizes you to perform, achieve, or overcome; feeling positive and fulfilled) versus distress (feeling overwhelmed, often temporary acute mental and physical suffering) is up to you. Adoption is right up there with the top stressful events in a person’s […]

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What You Need to Know to Help Your Transracially-Adopted Child Thrive

March 11, 2016

We white parents believe we adopt transracially with our eyes and hearts wide open. We feel fully prepared to parent our child. We attend the required education to become parents to our remarkable kids. Sometimes: We go beyond the aesthetics presented. We read, research, and ask questions about race and racism. We take notes. We […]

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Jumping through Hoops: Readoption

March 3, 2016

I had another post ready to go this morning. However, I rescheduled it for later. Why? Because I need to put my advocacy hat on. Why? For me, it’s all about the child. I feel obligated to address one of the hoops adoptive parents must or are compelled to jump through after welcoming their child […]

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